Picture from quotefancy.com

Yep, More Changes

Y’all may notice some changes around here. Such as, posts are actually happening! I’m setting aside some time each week to create, edit, and schedule posts with the intention of having a variety of things for you to peruse:

  • Monday: health, medical, and wellness
  • Tuesday: things I learned the hard way
  • Wednesday: spirituality, witchery, crafting (cuz, meditative)
  • Thursday: Jimi’s Guitar Rocks (dad’s posts)
  • Friday: psychology, mental health, social issues
  • Saturday: reviews of books/audiobooks, tv shows, movies
  • Sunday: my effing life (aka, miscellaneous)

Yes, I understand that blogs gain more traction if they’re focused. Well, guess what? I’m not focused. I don’t have time to be focused. As the saying goes, I’m too busy to tell people how busy I am.

Yes, This All Applies to Depression

How does this all apply to the depression, which is really the main focus, here?

First off, I feel trapped by my own life. I’m so busy taking care of the dad and his medical stuff, the dogs, the house, the laundry, the bills, the dishes, the gardens, and the car that there’s almost no room for me. Actually, you can remove the almost from that sentence.

The medical types tell me I need to exercise daily to keep my spine usable, feel better, and slow the physical decline from getting older and being disabled. Uh, sure. I’ll get right on that. An hour a day to do exercises? Dude. I don’t have an hour a day to breathe.

Secondly, I’m stuck in a never-ending cycle of getting ever-further behind. Every time I’m almost not getting behind anymore, some other major thing happens that upends everything.

So all the boxes of stuff waiting get moved to somewhere else. All the stuff too new or urgent to be in boxes gets put in boxes and moved somewhere out of the way. And then the real moving around bit can happen.

This last time it was dad needing to move down to the first floor. And before he can even come back, there’s the damage to deal with from the additions not getting done pre-COVID. And of course getting the additions done. Oh, and then … nevermind.

Fourth, I don’t have time to process events and the feelings around them. In the past two months, dad’s had another heart attack, moved to a skilled nursing/sub-acute rehabilitation facility, gotten a heart cath to see what needs to be fixed, is too sick to get that fixed, and have been trying to get him stronger so that he can get at least some of that addressed.

Meaning all his end-of-life decisions need to be brought to the top of the to-do list. Did I mention that my to-do list is actually a series of about 14 columns of stuff, each of which have at least 20 items on it. The longest list has over 300. Several have over 100 items.

Oh, wait. This is about processing what’s happening. Sure. I’ll add about an hour or so to journal, meditate, beat the crap out of my sparring dummy, or sit in the hot tub to just relax.

So these blog posts are my way of trying to deal with what’s happening. For some reason, putting it on here to share the lessons learned feels more productive than just wallowing in it, wishing for things to improve.

And fifth, worst of all, it’s nigh impossible to get the on-site, physical assistance needed. People get here, see how bad it is, and become overwhelmed. Then they either set their prices up out of my price range, harangue me about letting things get so far behind and man I gotta deal with all this first, or just walk out with glazed donut stares.

Back to the Changes

So added to my on-going to-do list is how to segment this blog so that it looks like seven. I’m sure there’s an easy way to do it. I just haven’t looked, ya know?

Anywayz, I’m looking forward to this change (really!), and maybe it’ll work out for some of you folks, too.