Picture from movieweb.com

The Hitman’s Bodyguard was one of my favorite movies. Seriously, I must’ve watched it dozens of times, laughing like a hyena on crack every single time. I think the best part was how the two leads grew some mutual respect at the end.

But then the sequel starts out by needing us to believe that this relationship growth didn’t happen. Or worse, that something we’ll never know about that caused the relationship backslide into a dynamic even worse than at the start of the first movie.

This totally broke the movies for me. Yes, both of them. Why do the suspension of disbelief thing when ya know they’re just gonna go back to measuring dicks?

The second movie can’t even stand on it’s own. It’s so busy trying to outdo the first movie that it loses itself along the way. Hell, there’s about five minutes of Ryan Reynold’s pretending to be Salma Hayek’s bodyguard. Other than that, there’s no almost connection to the movie’s title.

Sure, there’s some great acting and a few funny bits. And it’s well-produced. And has some great scenery.

But that’s just not enough for me. I wish I’d never seen The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard